9 Snippets from Mrs. Funnybones that will make you Roll in the Aisles

I just finished reading Mrs. Funnybones and I could not stop myself from posting this.

So here it is:
9 Snippets from Mrs. Funnybones that will give you in fits and burst out in laughter:

1. Boom there it is: #Breaktheinternet and pictures of Kim Kardashian pouring champagne while balancing a glass on her bottom. Kimmy darling, why didn't you tell me you wanted a drink? You really need not to pose as a human bar counter; I would have just sent my Ramu or Pappu. One would hold the glass, the other would pour and you could sit, relax and use your posterior to break the sofa instead.
2. I tell her, ' It's not funny, Mom, and sometimes you really do stupid mistakes.'
   She snorts,'That's true, I made you.'
3. The mistress of the house screech at her husband, 'Pintu, not fair, bad manners to behave like this, little control, please!'
   He yells back,' Yaar, you say the same line in the bedroom also. Sex and gas even God can't control.'
4. Why do women have longer lifespans?
   Is it because we express ourselves all the time, thus reducing stress?
   Or are the men just trying to die earlier to escape the incessant chatter?
5. Friend No. 2 recalled that when she was newly married, she went to have tea with her mother-in-law, with remarked that her beloved son was looking a bit grubby and to send him to mommy so that she can scrub him with her own hands till he shines.(A fine idea when he was six but at thirty-six this was way beyond creepy.)
6. This is peculiarly Indian habit, see a women alone anywhere and our men must harass her even if she has a moustache thicker than theirs, is eighty-three year old or has a massive mole on her nose with three strands of hairs sprouting through; basically, they revel in hounding any creature that vaguely has two X chromosomes lurking anywhere inside.
7. Trying to work form home today, I find myself sipping coffee and wasting time on Twitter, where two minutes magically stretch to twenty minutes in a second. Interstellar, beat that!
8. Way to deal with snoring:
   Practice meditation in order to ignore disturbances. Inhale slowly. Exhale slowly. Now just repeat the same sequence 28,800 times.
   Carry your spouse to the garden and, throw him in the fish pond and then convince him in the morning that he has also started sleepwalking.
9. I have formulated my own WhatsApp forward message which I am going to send to my entire contact list, and it goes like this: 'Dear Sir/Madam, I have recently been diagnosed with Systematic Psychotic Urge Disorder(SPUD), and random forwards seem to worsen my condition. Please help me save the planet one person at a time. God blues you.'  

I hope you enjoyed reading this.
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Happy Reading!
Keep Smiling. Keep Laughing.

Love,
Surbhi